For this post I want to tell you a story (really uncommon for me, right?). So, about two weeks ago I had a pretty bad day. I'm not meaning that a few things went wrong and it kind of stunk. I mean the day was terrible. I was not in a good mood to begin with, it was mid-terms, I was behind on homework (and I had plenty more to work on), I couldn't concentrate on homework, I could hardly think at all, and it was just in all a really bad day-Satan was getting to me. I had a few people try to make me smile and help me feel better but it just didn't seem to help. I couldn't get out of my depressed kind of mood. I tired doing homework and didn't get very far. I started on my religion homework. Reading the scriptures would help, right? As soon as I started reading Mikaela burst through my door, looked at me and said, "What's wrong?" Honestly my emotions got the best of me and the flood gates opened. After she sat and listened to me awhile, she looked at me and said, "You need to get out of this apartment; you've been here too long today." And as the wonderful friend she is, she pulled me out of my room and out to her freezing cold car for a nice drive outside of Rexburg. It took a bit of time but slowly between the music, the drive, and Mikaela talking about her bucket list I started to feel better. I even felt good enough to hop out of the car for two seconds to spin around in the rain.
We made it back to my apartment. One thing was resolved, and I was in a better mood. But . . . I still had a stack of homework with my name written on it. Mikaela made me promise that I would go to bed and that I would meet her at 7:00 the next morning at the library to finish homework. There was one problem here, I am not a morning person . . . like at all. Sure I love being up in the early morning because of how peaceful it is, but getting out of bed and waking up . . . it's a struggle. Granted it is easier to pull my self out of my warm, comfy bed on a freezing cold Rexburg morning if I have an obligation, and that's what happened. The next morning my alarm went off all too early, and I slowly made myself get out of bed. (I'm pretty sure I had some divine help in doing this, considering I could have just rolled over and went back to sleep.) I got ready and walked to the library. There Mikaela and I sat doing homework until each of our classes started. And I will tell you this, I got more done in three hours that morning than I had gotten done in about seven hours the night before. I was astonished in a way, it was weird. I could concentrate, and I got things done without any problems! It was wonderful to say the least.
I then made a promise to myself, I would get up every morning and work from seven to whenever I had class. I would work solely on homework, nothing else. Let me tell you, that's pretty much how I get my homework done now. Granted I still try to do homework when I come home from classes, but it's a bit more of a struggle.
Anyways, that week that started off so bad did get a little bit better, or at least I had a better attitude. Then Sunday rolled around and it wasn't the greatest Sunday ever. It was kind of like Monday. Nothing popped out to me and nothing sounded very appealing or interesting. Then after church I was with a few other girls waiting for ward council to start. The two of them were mostly talking, and I was mostly listening. One of them told a story that really inspired me to say the least. She was talking about a really tough semester for her. During this particular semester she was working two jobs and taking 18 credits among everything else. I kid you not, my mouth feel open. She was crazy! She explained to us that nothing went well at all, she was failing all her classes (which isn't like her), she was stressed out, and wasn't getting much sleep. Then one day in her Book of Mormon class they were talking about studying the scriptures in the morning, she felt very strongly that this is what she needed to do. Yup, she would have to get up even earlier to do it but she did it. She then told us that this certain semester she was able to pull off her two jobs and get a 4.0. My mouth dropped even further. I was taken aback with amazement and a lot of emotions. Then my mind started thinking. I came to conclude that if this Sister of mine in the gospel was able to do all that simply by making time for our Heavenly Father in the morning before everything else that I could too. I decided that I didn't need a 4.0 but I needed peace of mind. I needed to some how make it through this semester in one whole piece emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
So, that next morning I woke up and read my scriptures earlier-well read my assignment for my religion class. Then on Tuesday a thought was brought to my mind. A speaker at devotional, I believe, once instructed us that we needed to have our own personal study aside from our study for whatever religion class we were taking. "Well," I thought, "looks like that's what I'm doing." I was going to read something other than the New Testament.
Then the test of my dedication to this new decision came. Wednesday rolled around and I laid in bed trying to get up. "I need to get up." I thought. "I need do my prep for math, my homework for math, and my reading and questions for science. I don't have a lot of time I need to get up." Slowly the thought came to my mind that I could read my scriptures later. No later had I thought this that another thought came telling me, "No, you need to get up and you need to read your scriptures first." So I did and you know what? I finished everything else that I needed to before it was due. I again was astonished, this time it was in what I just did. I knew it wasn't me. I couldn't have possible have done that all on my own. Because I gave up time to read my scriptures instead of doing homework in the morning I was given divine help to finish that homework.
As I have thought about the past two weeks I have come to realize another thing. I realized that the Lord does not answer our questions in the way we expect Him to. About a week before all of this I decided to take Elder Lawerance's challenge to ask the Lord "What lack I yet?". I expected an immediate answer like the ones he had shared but it never came. I was discouraged. I knew I had things to work on but the list was too lengthy to narrow down without some help. Little did I know that in the next two weeks Heavenly Father, through those around me, would tell me what I really needed to change. So, slowly I am developing the habit of scripture reading in the early morning. I will not lie, it's hard. Getting up when sleep sounds so much better is difficult. But knowing the blessings that come from it helps. I have seen my love of the scriptures grow just a little bit more but it's something. And it's the something that I very much needed. I'm not perfect at reading my scriptures in the morning. It's a struggle, but I'm working on it. That's what the Atonement is for. It helps us to change for the better.
Changing the things the Lord wants you to change is more important than changing what others around you think you need to change. It's very personal and it essential to our growth. So, what is something the Heavenly Father wants you change? And as Elder Lawerance said, listen and wait for an answer. Once you have that answer don't give up, be persistent in that which you need to change. It pays off, I promise. And you are not alone, you will have help from the other side of the veil because you are doing what the Lord wants you to do. You will also have help from those around you like visiting teachers, home teachers, friends, family, roommates, and the list goes on and on.
